What made you stop being an addict?

But for me, I would say RUN away from it

A couple of months later I started hating it and regretting after every session. Yet, I couldn't stop.

I saw every girl or woman as a sex object including kid girls. There was no way I would look at a woman and not think of f*cking her.

Why don't I get sleep at nights?

So I'm still hanging on this lie.

Oh, and everyday I woke up tired 😫 I never slept early too. My mental health was nothing to write home about.

I secretly kept on watching and watching until I got 19. At this time, I had started feeling the urge to ejaculate as I was watching the pornography.

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I went on my favourite site and started scrolling through my favourite categories; petite girls, sleeping girls, Japanese girls, Japanese mom, Japanese wife, massage, forced, in the bus, gangb*ng, Muslim girls, ebony, student and teacher, in the classroom, curvy, African, etc

I made sure I downloaded every video that was nice for me. This took almost the whole day.

I went there early in the morning trying to watch a movie and I found the CD inside the video player so I decided to watch what was on it and that was the beginning of the life I never wanted.

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Around age 9 I discovered pornography through my uncle, he had left the CD in the video player in the night after enjoying himself.

I did it in my administrator's office.

And I DID IT EVERYDAY

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I did it in my room. I did it in my washroom. I did it in school in the washrooms.

I know some people masturbate and they don't have the problems I went through.

It took me days to finish watching them. Finally I decided to go to the washroom to do The Last Fap.

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Am I totally free? I don't know 😕

I always wished they would sit inappropriately or the wind would blow up their dress so I can see things.

So all I had to do was to find a way to trick my dirty brain to think that p*rn isn't nice.

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Do I wake up everyday with lots of energy? No but that's because I have a health problem, which is a story for another day.

I got tired of always breaking the promises I made to myself.

I so badly wanted to f*uk a girl, yet I was so shy of girls. I never wanted to meet anyone. I always wanted to hide behind the phone and text.

Should I have left it alone and kept quiet? I came out as gay to my adult kids last week. Age 61 married 15 years, divorced for 20. I feel so guilty for ruining their lives by living a lie.

I just finished watching the best of the best p*rn videos on the planet. Now there's nothing else to look for on p*rn sites again.

This was February 2019.

I knew about masturbation but I didn't actually think of doing it but one day, on my bed when I was preparing to go to school I was watching pornography and something just came in mind; why don't you rob your dick with your hand?

Hey girls can we see some anal play?

But how was I going to do it when everything I knew wasn't working? I didn't know

Now I have the mental fortitude to face life's every day battles.

Have I stopped seeing girls as sex objects? Not entirely, I still want to f*ck some of them.

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Now how do you quit your addiction?

All I knew was that, I couldn't masturbate without p*rn. I was first getting the urge to watch p*rn, while watching, I would now feel like masturbating.

Is masturbation and p*rn bad?

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And I can also talk to them now.

I remember sitting on the bed and smiling and that was when it hit me that I have successfully masturbated.

So I thought had unlocked a new potential in life. I was doing it even if I don't feel the urge. I forced the urge to come by watching pornography.

I don't know if all addictions are like this 🤔

There were times I was counting the days when I'm clean. But now I don't, because I got tired of counting and relapsing and starting all over again.

Remember, if nothing changes, nothing changes.

It didn't feel great after ejaculating but hey, who cares about feelings?

And these were just the act and not the mental and social problems associated with addiction.

No self esteem. No confidence. No ambition. Just dreams.

The harder I tried, the worse it became. I could get angry with myself and go about 3 days without it but when I relapse, I can do 3 in a day. And the subsequent days; it's just me getting drowned in the rabbit hole.

RUN 🏃‍♂️ for your dear life

I started rubbing it and I liked how I was feeling so I kept on doing it faster and EUREKA, sperms came out of my dick.

I knew something had to be done about my wasting existence because if nothing changes, then nothing changes.

Now I don't wait to be talked to before I respond. I talk when I think I'm supposed to.

I didn't even start counting the days because I didn't really believe I would get this far.

Read that again ☝️

Was quitting worth the effort? At least for my mental health, it's a billion times worth it.

There were times I could go 3 months without watching p*rn or masturbating but somehow I always came back to it.

I remember I once did it in my classroom at dawn. I did it in the hospital's washrooms. I did it in the lab where I work; both daytime and midnight.

I did it while watching my sister. I did it while touching my sister 😭 I did it while watching my landlord's daughter.

Now I know I have all the nice videos on my phone, the rest I don't have, are not nice. So I had to start watching them one after the other. Some of them were even 2 hours long but I made sure I watched every little bit of it.

Just keep trying